Missing Parts...

When I was pregnant with my son, I lost my best friend, my mother at 5 1/2 months. She knew it was a boy, but she never got to hold him, touch him, sing to him, cuddle him, or all the other things she looked forward too. She loved her grand daughter and did everything she could to make sure she was happy. Her grand children were her life.

Here I am 6 years later. Two children and another one on the way. I look at my wonderful husband she never met and I know they would have sat and laughed for hours. Their sense of humor is very alike.

I am blessed with a step mother but anyone that has lost a parent knows it is not the same. I think about this baby to be. A baby I never thought I would have 2 years ago. I look at how happy I am..a happiness I didn't know 2 years ago. So much has changed since my mother left this world, evolved, grown, deepened.

I brought these feelings up to my friend Jen the other day and had to stop. I am emotional enough without crying on everyone. I always was told that time heals all things. I am starting to think time does the opposite. It makes me angry.

I can't remember her laugh or her voice anymore. There are plenty of things I remember and the loss of those two really bother me. I always think in my head "what would mom say" and her voice would echo in my mind with some seed of wisdom. Now it's like seeing a line of text or script. There is no sweet sound to go with it.

I always wait for her to come to me in my dreams. She always said she would but she hasn't. I wish I had her to call daily like old times. Maybe one day I will see her again and she will get to hug and kiss her new grand babies..its all I can hope for.